I’m in a time of big change, aware that I’m welcoming in a whole new level of possibility and freedom for my life and that it’s going to require me to shift out of my comfort zone in a pretty major way.
I love guiding meditations. But making recordings is my safe space. I can control when I feel like making them, I can control how they come out. I can throw it all away if I don’t like it and start all over again.
I also know I’m ready to step out of this box I’ve created for myself. I love guiding live, dropping deep into myself, dropping deep into the moment, speaking from this intuitive place within, letting the experience flow.
I almost never do it. I have a lot of excuses for why not, some of them are good ones, all of them are excuses.
But I want more for myself and my life. I am growing myself bigger than every excuse that I can find.
.
I know that I can choose to open the box.
.
I know I want to open the box.
.
I make the choice.
.
And with that permission, up they come, all the reasons I feared stepping beyond the box. All the feelings I’ve simply been delaying meeting.
The great gulf of inadequacy, the conviction I’ll fall flat on my face.
That one pernicious word: failure.
And here’s the thing. The reason I know I’m ready to make the choice, the reason I’m opening the box anyway. When I breathe the feelings that are arising, ping! in drops the little moment of clarity and I recognise it as truth.
Failure is just a word.
It’s a label we put around an experience.
Nothing more; nothing less. Failure is a word.
It means nothing at all, unless I make it mean something, swaddled in the confines of my own head.
Today I took a step in the direction of possibility and prepared my application to host live meditation sessions on the Insight Timer app (where you can find my meditation recordings).
Cue a lot of fear.
It’s a big platform, filled to the brim with world-renowned teachers, effortlessly pouring their wisdom into the world. I wonder what on earth I think I’m doing. Why do I think I can offer anything of value at all?
I sit awhile lost in the feelings, breathing, breathing.
Softness comes. It says, write it all out. Take every thought, every feeling that’s rising and write it all out, onto the page. Let it all out, without judgement, without curbing, let it all express.
Nothing wrong here.
I do.
This is the place where freedom lies; where I see the fear and I meet it with kindness, yes, yes, let it flow, let it out.
This is the domain of softening. I find myself willing to love the fears that I write upon the page. They are the voice of my vulnerability.
I realise: these are all the feelings I’m afraid that I might feel if I say yes to this experience, and hey look, they’re already here. I’m already feeling them.
So I might as well do the thing.
And when it brings up all of these feelings, maybe more, then I’ll cradle them with this kindness and I’ll let them express much as I’m doing right now.
I’m already meeting this.
There’s nothing to be lost.
Nothing to be gained, either. Because the important shift isn’t in finding the courage to take the action, it’s in how we respond to the fears that are holding us back from making it.
This is the important shift, right here. The words upon the page and the voice I utter as I read them, I love you I love you I love you. I love you.
When I’m really willing to feel, when I no longer judge what’s here inside me, when there’s no longer anything wrong with the fear, nothing wrong with any of it…
There is only possibility.
Take a risk. Meet the feelings.
Failure’s a word.
Beautiful! ❤️
♥️♥️♥️